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Divorce - The Road to Recovery

Linda John • Oct 05, 2020

Divorce is described as a traumatic experience. The loss of your marriage, home, lifestyle, family unit, extended family and your hopes and dreams for the future, leaves you feeling totally bereft. The end of your marriage needs to be grieved in the same way you would if somebody you loved died.

You despair as to how you are ever going to get through it. How are you going to hold yourself and your children (if any) up? It takes strength to stop the self-destructive thoughts and behaviours, but it is possible. Concentration on your emotional and physical wellbeing is key in helping you to get over your divorce. It is important that you look at yourself as a ‘dear friend’ and show yourself some tenderness. Be compassionate to you and spend time with others who show you compassion and kindness.

Understand that divorce is not supposed to be easy and because it is so hard, you must be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to work through the depths of your divorce and to accept that the process is going to take time. Over time you will heal and showing compassion to yourself will help with your recovery. It is ok to feel sad and to give yourself permission to grieve your loss. Focusing too much on the sadness will keep you stuck in that place and so it is important that you manage this.

Divorce is one of the most challenging events you will deal with in your life. Building a good support structure around you is vital. Know that it is ‘OK’ to ask for help. It is good to have someone walking with you that is not in your fog. Dwelling on the past serves no positive outcome and so looking back is only going to pull you back. Looking ahead will get you ahead.

Feelings that you have failed are strong. It is essential to learn from your past relationship to promote a good relationship going forward. When you see yourself as a victim you are blocking your personal progression. To gain back your power and control you will need to take responsibility for the factors that contributed to the result of divorce. 

Embrace the change, look at your situation and visualise how the new future could look. Remember you are dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety and so finding time to relax and chill, is all part of you taking care of you. Try to maintain a sleep routine, steer clear from caffeine and alcohol as they will over stimulate and prevent sleep.

Divorce erodes confidence and so try to own the good qualities that you possess. Think about the things you like about yourself and remember these great attributes daily. You will have some days when you just want to stay in bed and hide, and when this happens think about what you need to do to get through this divorce to generate enough motivation to get you through another day.
Seeking emotional support from a counsellor will help you to work through what has happened, the why’s and wherefores’ and the reasons why you feel the way you feel. Having a safe space to express yourself without feeling judged will help you to sift and sort through the emotional turmoil, the hurt and the pain and allow you to move on.

  • Don’t beat yourself up. 
  • Take each day as it comes. 
  • Every day is a day closer to your recovery.

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